17 hilarious Thanksgiving jokes and one-liners to share with the family


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Hope everyone has a happy and safe Thanksgiving holiday. In case you missed it I posted this yesterday, and the reaction to it has been very positive, but we should really be more like this.

Here are some funny one-liners I found at Jokes 4 Us and Coolest Holiday Parties. (You can also check out the collection of 22 Thanksgiving memes and cartoons here.)


A small business owner was dismayed when a brand new corporate chain much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST BLACK FRIDAY DEALS.

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST BLACK FRIDAY PRICES.

The small business owner panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read… MAIN ENTRANCE


What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!


How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey? One, but you really have to squeeze him in!


If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!


If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their age!


What would you get if you crossed Thanksgiving and Easter?
Feaster Sunday!


A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy answered, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”


Two pilgrims go out hunting. One has two blunderbusses (guns). The second pilgrim asks, “Why do you have two blunderbusses?” The first pilgrim explains, “I usually miss the first time I shoot. By taking two I can shoot again”. The second pilgrim thinks for a while and then says, “Why not just take the second one, and only shoot once?”


Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.


What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?
A turkey that can pluck itself!


When do you serve tofu turkey?
Pranksgiving.


What did baby corn say to mama corn?
Where’s popcorn?


Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down?
Because their belt buckles are on their hats!


What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.


What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
Your nose 


Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
To hatchet!


Which side of a turkey has the most feathers?
The outside!

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