Cruz has a female “doppleganger,” and we should steer clear this mess (because she wants to do porn)


Superman has Bizarro, and Ted Cruz has a version of it for himself. This site posts jokes every so often, and I’m sorry to inform that this isn’t one of them

Last Sunday, Searcy Hayes was an unknown 21-year-old from Natchez, Mississippi.

By Monday night, she was a viral sensation after viewers of the Maury Povich show decided she was the female doppelganger of Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz.

The resemblance is pretty undeniable.

ted-cruz-lookalike

Hayes went on the show after her fiance, 25-year-old Freddie Green, accused her of cheating on him. All was resolved in typical Maury fashion when she passed a lie detector test and DNA results showed her 3-month-old son was Green’s.

Since the appearance, numerous websites have printed side-by-side photos showing Hayes next to Cruz.

Amazingly, Hayes had never heard of Cruz before the resemblance was pointed out to her and she still knows little about him.

“I don’t know his positions and I’ve never seen him, so I don’t know if he’s done a good enough job to be reelected,” she told The Huffington Post.

When we pointed out that Cruz isn’t actually president, just a candidate, she said, “Well, yeah, I don’t know anything about him.”

After the notoriety Maury hauled her back to do an interview to post on Facebook, it went about as well as could be expected.

Ok, so basically she’s unaware that Cruz actually is NOT president, which means she’s unaware that Barack Obama IS president. Apparently, she’s never even heard of Republicans and Democrats, all of which makes her a NO-information voter life form and likely future Democrat.

Maury and others joke they’re related and she states in the interview that she wants to take a DNA test to prove she’s not related to Cruz. I think it’s fairly likely that a former solicitor general with a perfect record arguing before the Supreme Court has just about no relation to someone who can’t even spell DNA. Even if there’s genetic match on some level there’s NO relation whatsoever.

So, all of that pretty bad, and this is where it gets worse, MUCH WORSE:

Being an internet meme doesn’t pay the bills, though, so the “female Ted Cruz” is hoping to capitalize on her newfound internet stardom by filming a porn scene.

XHamster.com, a popular porn website, has offered to pay Hayes and her fiance $10,000 for a 6-minute sex tape.

For those keeping score, that’s about $1,666.66 per each minute of carnal screen time…

She has made sex tapes privately, but this will be the first time that millions of people potentially will be watching.

I’ve lost track, does THIS count as capitalism. I mean, she’s capitalizing on something, but I don’t know that this counts(?) It’s hard to concentrate on finding an answer since my crotch is crawling back up into my body while pondering this.

“I’m fine with it because everything is going to support my family,” she said. “I want to get my son whatever he wants.”

Hayes earns money cleaning houses while Green collects SSI because of a disability. He said accepting the porn offer was a no-brainer when they saw the amount they would get.

“We want to buy a truck, pay off our house and we might get married,” he says. “I never had anyone say, ‘Here’s $10,000! Go make a sex tape.’”

Imagine living in a reality where in your mind’s eye all of your dreams come true for just $10,000.

I wonder what this guy’s disability is. Clearly it’s nothing that will impede him from having sex on a poor unsuspecting camera (where’s artificial intelligence when you need it?)

Green admits he’s excited by Hayes’ newfound fame.

“It’s kind of exciting and shocking to know she’s famous — she’s more famous than Madonna!” he said. “I’m with a star.”

……..and with that I’ve got nothing left to say about this.

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