Five simple steps to becoming the safest person in America…


I took down my Rebel flag (which you can’t buy on e-bay any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off the front door.

I disconnected my home alarm system and the Neighborhood Watch.

I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN buy on e-bay) and put it in the CENTER of the yard.

Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.

I’ve NEVER felt safer and I’m saving $69.95 a month that ADT charged me.

Plus, I bought burkas for my family when we shop or travel. Everyone moves out of way and security can’t pat us down

Safe at last – only in USA!

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